drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
