she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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