Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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