she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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