I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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