I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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