apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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