Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
