so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
