franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
