I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
