so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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