alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
