He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
