if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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