Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
