why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i wish my penis had a tongue
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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