I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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