Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
