Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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