It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
