I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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