I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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