I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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