There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
