I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
