Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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