When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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