Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
