Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
soo... how was my night?
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