I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
