this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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