He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
