ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
