I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
