ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
