JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
