Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
