is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
