I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
