where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
