apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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