his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm having to shit out rocks
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
