I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Someone signed my nipple.
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