Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
