i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
