Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
