Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
