If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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