you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
