she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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