do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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