what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
