so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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