the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she peed on how many people?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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