no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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