i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
