I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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